“Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.” ~Abraham Lincoln
This week I want to share with you a powerful one hour audio session (or class) on Creative Life Mastery.
If you have been ready to look at your self, your life, where you are, and where you want to go, then this session will help you to do it.
You are only responsible for YOU. That is an incredibly liberating thing to know. You are responsible for your own self, your own thinking, and your own happiness.
Aside from the tweets, the posts, the tumbles, the blogs, the uploads, the pressures to be there for others, and the pull your business or community have on you, there is a YOU that needs cultivating. Take this time to begin, or to continue in, that amazing process.
Enjoy this session. Put on the headset, close your eyes and lean back in your chair (NOT in your car), and enjoy gaining an understanding that will propel your into a new way of thinking, one that will help you master self and create a great life, and PLEASE, let me know what this session meant to you.
“And in the end, it’s not the years in your life that count. It’s the life in your years.” ~Abraham Lincoln
Today is my son’s 21st birthday. Ryan is a U.S. Marine serving as an Air Traffic Controller. He’s been in Japan for the last two years. He’ll be returning to Texas on February 23rd for a month. I can’t wait.
My son has a great sense of humor, and a keen understanding (usually) of how people with half a brain should behave out in the business world. So in honor of his birthday, here is a 21 “FUN” Salute, with business lessons from the light side of life and kids and stuff like that, and making fun of whatever I can.
So Here Goes:
1. When I was a kid, I used to think there were little plastic army guys inside the radio playing the music. Lesson: PERCEPTION is EVERYTHING, and it often helps to communicate a product, service, or idea as if the audience knew NOTHING about it.
2. When I went to wash my hands in the kitchen today, I noticed that my honey had watered down the dish soap (again). I told him, “stop watering down the soap or I’m gonna blog about you”. He said, “go ahead, and also tell them I’ve been doing it since I was knee-high to a grasshopper”. Lesson: If you do something ridiculous, people will blog about you.
3. I had three kids in four years. When I potty trained my youngest, Sarah, I would reward ALL three kids with a few M&M’s whenever she used the potty. Understandably, the other two encouraged her BIG TIME. My son even snuck in and pee’d in the potty for her a few times. Sarah was effortlessly trained in short order, with plenty of praise and approval from her brother and sister. Lesson: You’ll reach your goals faster by rallying the team. Everyone will feel important, and team members will connect better with one another.
4. After a year in Japan, my hormonal son was missing the familiar comfort of American girls. I put together a “HOT CHICK KIT” for him by going to the mall near the holidays, and recruited single young ladies who were willing to, 1) have their picture taken, 2) sign a little note card to my son on the spot—which I tied to a mini-chocolate bar and their photo, and 3) Give up their Facebook or Myspace address. The girls were flattered and more than willing to contribute. They wrote wonderful messages thanking my son for his service and asking him to stay in touch. My son was pleasantly annoyed when I sent him the kit. Lesson: Create a product or service where there is a need and desire, no matter how crazy it seems. It will likely be a huge hit.
5. Recently, my honey and I signed up for a taste-test for Schlotzsky’s Deli. They were testing a new whole-grain bread. We got a free lunch for doing so, a date together, plus a $25.00 gift certificate each. Lesson: Save gobs of research money by going right to the horse’s mouth. You’ll solidify loyalty by rewarding your customers for giving you important product and service information.
6. My sister-in-law and I got kicked out of Harrods in London for taking photos of their beautiful displays, AFTER they told us to stop taking photos of their beautiful displays. Lesson: Don’t get pissy about FREE publicity (and, don’t push your luck).
7. I have asked my husband (not my HONEY this time) for weeks to buy ROASTED SALSA from the grocery store (he does the shopping). Twice already, even after my numerous requests, he bought the regular kind instead. Lesson: Don’t assume your customers will stay if you continue to ignore them (even though I’m staying).
8. One time I delivered a custom home fashions order to a client. I installed all the items and politely requested final payment. The client asked if she could pay me later, as she was expecting company and in a hurry! Lesson: Collect the balance on the day of install or delivery, BEFORE the install (P.S. I did get full payment that day).
9. Another time (before I finally changed my payment policy) I delivered a custom order to a client. I installed the treatments and I asked for final payment. The client, who knew the installation date in advance, said she did not own a checkbook or credit card and she did not have cash (I think that’s amazingly funny)! Lesson: Drop the bottom 20 percent of your clientele.
10. Once when I was five, my aunt cut my sandwich into four triangles because I asked for “corner to corner”. I went ballistic, flailing and crying with intense protest, demanding “I said corner to corner, NOT corner to corner to corner to corner.” Lesson: Don’t ASSUME you know what the customer wants just because you “sort of” know.
11. A friend and I visited a run-of-the-mill, not at all inspiring (why even be in business?) variety store. I saw signs posted and repeated on every wall, informing me that “if you break it, you buy it” (no, if I break it, YOU have to clean it up), that my “kids must stay with an adult at all times” (you had to tell me that through a stupid sign? How about if I make the kid stay with you while I shop, you’re an adult, aren’t you?), and that “a $2.00 charge will be added to all credit card purchases” (isn’t that illegal? If not, it should be). I’ve seen many stores play the sign game. My favorite was on the entrance of a popular hobby store. It read “upon entering this store you agree that we have the right to check your purse”. I am not kidding! I went into the store just HOPING someone tried to look in my purse! (By the way, just because you post a sign that reads, “upon entering this store, you agree to give us your car” doesn’t make it so.) Lesson: Don’t talk to your customers through negative signage. It makes you look really foolish and it turns people off. Totally ditch the “you’re a bad girl and we don’t trust you, and we really don’t even like you all that much” types of signs and attitudes.
12. Not long ago, at an otherwise upscale establishment, I saw another sign that read, “$30 fee on all returned checks”. Lesson: Drop the ridiculous HOT CHECK FEE (because then you have to have a stupid sign). If you must have it, make it just a few bucks, not 30. Someone who writes a hot check on purpose won’t be stopped because of a fee threat, and they probably won’t be coming back anyway, and a valued customer who writes one accidentally should be shown mercy so they WILL come back. NEVER shame your customers, and NEVER post their check on a wall for all to see (I can’t believe people do this).
13. I recently saw a T.V. commercial for Proactive where Avril Lavigne said, “I literally tried EVERYTHING”. The poor girl must be completely exhausted. Lesson: Don’t publicize that you are an idiot (yes, grammatical mistakes happen all the time, but this choice of wording was scripted, planned, reviewed by a slew of people, and continues to air). HINT: look up the word literally.
14. I tried to return a ham (by the way, that’s the title of my next book). We’d just bought it, and when I opened it I saw the expiration date had long expired. My honey had thrown away the receipt. “So what” I said, “I’m taking it back, they should never have sold this”. At the store, I politely explained that I didn’t have a receipt, that we shop there every week, and that the ham was long expired the day we bought it. The clerk made a phone call sharing all the details (including that I had no receipt). The person on the other end O.K.’d the return with no problem. The clerk then snobbishly handed me a gift card for the amount of the ham, and proceeded to tell me, “The next time you return something like this, don’t throw away your receipt”. Well, no sh_ _ Sherlock (I kept that to myself), that’s why I told you from the beginning that I didn’t have a receipt. But, she just HAD to have power over SOMEBODY! Lesson: Don’t SCOLD or LECTURE your customers (especially not me. Don’t worry, I was nice)!
15. I love Triscuit crackers, but rarely buy them and wasn’t sure why. Then Nabisco came out with Triscuit Thin Crisps, a thinner triangle version of the original, with the same taste. Now we buy them to eat with everything from eggs to chicken salad. They’re like my new bread. I now realize the original crackers were tasty, but just too thick and filling. Lesson: Don’t throw the cracker out with the kitchen-sink water—don’t totally replace an idea. Simply TWEAK a product or service just a bit, and you could have tremendous success. See, I am now eating more Triscuits AND sharing the product with you, and THAT’s how it works!
16. When I was about 7, I bet my older brother $5.00 that he couldn’t ride down the stairs on his bicycle. He took the bait. He landed at the bottom with a bang, a bent up bike, and his handlebars shot into the wall. My parents came running only to scream and holler at him (that’s what they did in the old days). He later asked me for the money. I said, “No, ‘cause you didn’t do it right”. Lesson: Get it in writing.
17. I served on a national Board of Directors for several years (I’ve served on several boards so don’t try to figure it out), volunteering a lot of time and traveling long distances to many meetings and think sessions. The leadership did not value or capitalize on the diversity of exceptional thinkers they had at their disposal. They embraced only ideas that were in line with their repertoire’ of knowledge and their current way of doing things. They quickly denounced ideas that involved knowledge that was new to them (I think because it made them uncomfortable, and allowed someone else to have authority or influence in the meetings). They also quickly stopped any type of back-and-forth passionate discussions among the 12 board members (but they would throw a hissy-fit if you disagreed with THEM). They didn’t facilitate the negotiations and friendly hashing out of a group of innovative thinkers who were willing to synthesize concepts and ideas, and bring innovation to an entire industry. That organization is still in just about the same place they were two, five, and even ten years ago. Lesson: Diversity of thinking, controlled tension from different ideas, and strategic conflict are where growth, change, innovation, and incredible ideas and products come from.
18. Today my honey, who is quite generous and always kind (but who LOVES to save money), turned away two adorable girl scouts selling cookies from a wagon. When he told me, I gave him a four second mini-lecture on the importance of their efforts, and then I ran down the road after them. They returned, and Joe and I, standing side-by-side, proudly bought a box of Caramel DeLites (he paid, and later he actually thanked me). As they left, one little girl said to me “isn’t your husband the man who rides his bike around”? Lesson: Don’t be too quick to blow an opportunity to invest into the lives of others, besides, someone might recognize you and always remember your kindness.
19. I once worked on a joint venture with a particular feisty, NO-BULL East Coast woman (no, not me). When someone harshly voiced a problem or issue through email, she was swift to shoot off a reply blasting them right back. I quickly took over the emails so as not to tick people off. I was able to turn every one of the critics full-heartedly towards our efforts through first respectfully acknowledging their concerns, and then offering greater understanding or solutions that worked for them. Lesson: Take a deep breath, then take the high road when responding to email messages containing sharp or tactless complaints. Don’t put it out there if you don’t want it to come back at ya’. Kind replies to ill-communicated concerns can win the virtual hearts (and real cash) of customers for years to come.
20. Type into Google (O.K., O.K., Bing, too) any term that relates to “bad customer service”, “rude store”, or “great places to shop”, and see what the universe brings. Lesson: Today, the little guy has power, and the supposedly insignificant people of the world are talking and blogging, and maybe about YOU! Behind the screen, everyone’s voice has just about equal authority and volume. If the nerdy nobody from OklaNowhere shares her experience online, she can direct droves of customers towards or away from you. Lesson: Be amazing and always give your very best. Help make the conversation one you can be proud of.
21. Today is my son’s 21st birthday. It has gone by so very fast. I remember him when he was just one day old (pictured), and I called him “mommy’s salami” because he was all wrapped up in a meaty little bundle. I have enjoyed every moment and every year that he was my son, and I look forward to many more. Lesson: Put your time, your efforts, your priorities, and your business concerns into perspective. Celebrate your life, your kids, your loved ones, and enjoy every minute of it.
“Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man’s character, give him power.” ~ Abraham Lincoln
Reflections on Power
Let’s have a little POWER TALK. I’ve been wanting to do this for a while!
First, a bit about me—just for a sec. Some of you know that I grew up on Long Island, in New York. I was definitely a self sufficient kid, and growing up, some people thought I had a problem with authority (only the crazy ones I wouldn’t listen to thought that). The truth was, I didn’t have a problem with authority. There were many people in my life that I greatly admired and respected. As a teen, I used to purposely hang around several people who were much older than me (some almost eighty years old) because they had so much wisdom, and I loved what they had to contribute when we got together. What I had NO tolerance for though, were people that ABUSED their authority and tried to hold their weight over others. In my foolishness as a teen, I fought them tooth and nail. Today, I just ignore them (they totally hate that)!
I see what people are made of everyday. As a business coach, I make it a point to notice how folks in business behave. After all, I’m constantly looking for material! I guess it has always been my nature to notice things when I am out and about. Even as a child, I had an innate understanding of what power could do in the wrong hands. As a youngster I could pick out the teachers who just did not care about their students, and as a young adult, I was ultra sensitive to power hungry college administrators and bad customer service, and really put off by business owners and public servants who mistreated others as they hid behind “policy”. That’s probably why I became a business coach in the first place.
I love what Lincoln said of power, that if you want to see what people are made of, just give them a little power.
Power— What is it?
Power is or can be many things: authority, charge, control, influence, rule, supremacy, muscle, and clout. Add to that a few other possibilities such as strength, might, command, dominance, force, and entitlement. It is obvious why so many people are hungry for power.
Power can be defined as the ability or opportunity to have control over others, over an environment, or over behavior through some means, such as through personal influence, or through providing or withholding resources, rewards, and/or consequences or punishment (definition mine).
Power can involve some type of pressure, force, or abuse, or it can entail the ability to inspire or persuade. The former many times is born of insecurity and mental, emotional, or intellectual weakness in the one in power, and the latter many times comes from a place of strength.
There are mainly two types of power, Positional Power and Personal Power
Positional Power is external. It is given to you by another authority, and easy come, easy go, so watch it! Positional power makes you appear important, strong, rich, or perhaps smart. There are three main types:
1) Coercive Power, or the power to punish or administer negative consequences such as a failing grade, a traffic citation, or a bad reputation among your peers.
2) Reward Power, where someone has control over some type of reward or gain another wants or needs, such as a compliment, a financial reward, or a promotion.
3) Legitimate Power, which is a power position that has been granted to a person by an authority. Examples include a police officer, a school teacher, or the lady in charge at the phone company. People with Legitimate Power can use Cohesive Power or Reward Power, or they can use something called Personal Power (more on that type in a bit).
Some people hide behind and abuse positional power because they lack personal power. You will never see a secure person try to bully another.
There is nothing inherently wrong with wanting positional power. Let’s face it, there are benefits to having it, including pay raises, promotions, and getting to eat lunch with important people.
Personal Power is internal power, it comes from within you. It is not given to you by another, instead, you develop it yourself. There are two main types:
1) Expert Power means a person has authority and influence because of their experience and education (not necessarily the paper degree), and people follow because of what is contributed to them or because they gain something from the relationship. People who hold Expert Power are usually life-long learners and very self-motivated.
2) Referent Power comes from WHO a person is at their core, and they receive admiration and respect because others sense true character. People with this type of power are among the most influential individuals, because their power comes from a place of truth, passion, confidence, and belief in a greater purpose, wanting what’s best for others, and people naturally respect that.
The very fact that a person is able to personally influence others— outside of a designated office or leadership position— would indicate that this person has certain qualities and/or character traits that others admire or desire to have.
If you have Personal Power, you have an effect on people who see something in you that appeals to them. Someone with Personal Power had to take specific, intentional steps in his or her personal development—many mini-decisions throughout life that cause others to take notice. These decisions are usually a by-product of deep-seated character and an intrinsic need for self-fulfillment or self-actualization. It is a person’s moral fiber and sense of value and respect for self and others that helps them build the kind of character that others admire and feel safe with.
Most of us Seek Power
So many people roam the earth looking for power. The irony is that the whole time, every one of us has enormous power and influence over others. The greatest power we possess is the power to make someone know they are cared for and that they really matter. Oh, and business owners, if you are just too “business savvy” for this kind of “fluff”, be prepared to close your doors.
Power is king, and it is either an evil ruler or a pretty good guy. Many people prepare themselves developmentally and intellectual to have power or influence over others. This may take years, and the motivations for doing so are many, and they are strong. They range from a sincere desire to contribute meaningfully to individuals and society, to the desire to manipulate others people for personal gain.
Today LOTS of People Have Power!
The online world has changed our power structures in a serious way. Today, people who normally did not have a say so, suddenly do, and their voices are loud and clear. Blogging, online forums, Facebook, Twitter, Linkedin, and a host of other online neighborhoods have created rooftops for shouting, and plenty of checks and balances. Hierarchies are coming down and boundaries are being torn away. No more hiding under skirts. Now we will see who has the real influence, the real power. Real power comes from integrity.
You have the opportunity to substantially influence others both online and off. You may be a manager, supervisor, teacher, or cop. You may be the person in the interior design company that makes all the final decisions. Do you want REAL POWER? Stop being an idiot. Stop being a jackass. Stop being a tyrant. Stop demanding YOUR way. Stop leading with your ego. Stop and look around you. There are other people in your world, people who matter, just as you do.
No one will ever trust your authority—be it positional or personal— unless you connect with them first. Not all interactions allow time for building relationships, but when they do, invest the time. Others will respect you more readily if they feel you are interested in them, and they will also be more prone to accept your expertise and do business with you long-term. True authority involves trust. Trust comes from relationship building.
What Leaders Do
The very fact that a person possesses power or influence automatically makes that person a leader, meaning he or she has an effect on the thinking or actions of other people. Leaders of integrity are the most effective. They look inward as well as outward. They see their impact on lives and they monitor, adjust, and control their motives and their behavior. They understand and respect their ability to influence, and they don’t abuse it.
Power can have a twist. Once a person realizes the extent of his or her influence over others, it becomes a temptation to use this influence to maneuver people for selfish benefit. The personal convictions that helped to build this area of influence must remain the voice within that keeps a persons motives and actions in check.
The greatest power of all is the power to control self and to make decisions that are best for all involved. This is hard to do, but should be the way a leader lives. In actuality, a true leader essentially leads only him or her self, and those who desire the same things will follow.
What I Will Do
One thing is for sure, I HAVE POWER OVER MY POWER (a little meta-thinking here)! My own power, be it positional or personal, be it quickly gotten, or won through tremendous effort, is my unique ability to influence. It is my opportunity for my “voice” to inspire others and my chance to change lives for the better. It is also my opportunity to hurt, harm, or manipulate if that is what I want and choose to do. The power I possess as an individual is an awesome responsibility.
I made a decision a long time ago (so long that I don’t even remember making it) that I will use my influence, be it small or large, in a productive and positive way, to help others recognize their value, their gifts, and their ability to make significant contributions in the lives of others. At the very LEAST, I will use my power and influence to simply be helpful and kind.
I encourage you this week to use your Positional Power and/or your Personal Power to be kind, helpful, supportive, and to make a positive difference in the lives of your friends, family, colleagues, and customers. You will never feel more in control!
September 11, 2010 1885 D.H Lawrence 1862 O. Henry 1885 D.H. Lawrence 1938 Sir Edward George 1940 Bernie Dwyer 1947 Julie Covington 1949 Roger Uttley 1950 Barry Sheene 1967 Harry Connick Jnr
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Monday Message from Margo 2-15-2010 
If you have been ready to look at your self, your life, where you are, and where you want to go, then this session will help you to do it.
I see what people are made of everyday. As a business coach, I make it a point to notice how folks in business behave. After all, I’m constantly looking for material! I guess it has always been my nature to notice things when I am out and about. Even as a child, I had an innate understanding of what power could do in the wrong hands. As a youngster I could pick out the teachers who just did not care about their students, and as a young adult, I was ultra sensitive to power hungry college administrators and bad customer service, and really put off by business owners and public servants who mistreated others as they hid behind “policy”. That’s probably why I became a business coach in the first place. 
If you have Personal Power, you have an effect on people who see something in you that appeals to them. Someone with Personal Power had to take specific, intentional steps in his or her personal development—many mini-decisions throughout life that cause others to take notice. These decisions are usually a by-product of deep-seated character and an intrinsic need for self-fulfillment or self-actualization. It is a person’s moral fiber and sense of value and respect for self and others that helps them build the kind of character that others admire and feel safe with. 
The very fact that a person possesses power or influence automatically makes that person a leader, meaning he or she has an effect on the thinking or actions of other people. Leaders of integrity are the most effective. They look inward as well as outward. They see their impact on lives and they monitor, adjust, and control their motives and their behavior. They understand and respect their ability to influence, and they don’t abuse it. 